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Last Week
Joe: 12-4Aaron: 12-4
Current Standings
Joe: 157-80-1Aaron: 146-90-1
Tampa Bay at Atlanta
Aaron: The Falcons have wrapped up theNFC #1 seed in the playoffs, so I doubt their starters will see muchaction. On a related note, theBuccaneers haven't shown up since before Thanksgiving. (Hey, it's been a long season. I'm allowedONE Jay Leno-esque joke this week, yes?) Pick: Atlanta
Joe: Oh, wait, did we all forget tohave that tedious conversation about whether the Falcons are cheating theirfans by sitting their starters? Pick: Atlanta
NY Jets at Buffalo
Aaron: I don't know what's true andwhat's not. But, I'm rooting for this Tim Tebow heel turn to continue this weekand through the offseason -- with an NWO-era Hollywood Hulk Hogan beard and aninterview tour that draws heavily on The Rock's infamous, incredulous "DieRocky Die" promo. Pick:Buffalo
Joe: Whoever starts for the Jets thisweek, can they just do me a solid and beat the Bills so that I can at leastlook forward to a top-5 draft pick? Pick: NY Jets
Baltimore at Cincinnati
Aaron: The Bengals are currently thesixth seed in the AFC playoffs and will be playing on the road next weekagainst one of the division champions. So, I'll go back to inexplicably picking against them in seven days. Pick: Cincinnati
Joe: The Bengals are certainly playingbetter more consistently these days. But that was a good, solid win the Ravenshad over the Giants last week. I think they pull this one out too. Pick:Baltimore
Chicago at Detroit
Aaron: For Chicago to make theplayoffs, the Bears need to win here and hope Minnesota loses to GreenBay. Sounds like an awful lot of goodfortune considering the storm cloud that perpetually follows Jay Cutler's poutyfrown around. Pick:Chicago
Joe: Detroit is riding an incrediblysad first-to-worst trajectory that can't possibly be redeemed even by knockinga division rival out of the playoffs. But they might as well give it a try.Pick: Detroit
Jacksonville at Tennessee
Aaron: The 2-13 Jaguars remain incontention for the first pick in next year's draft. They've already defeatedthe Titans earlier this season, so a win here does nothing for no one. Kind of like Maggie in the "Lisa onIce" episode of The Simpsons just before she catchesthe beer bottle that was hurtling towards Homer's head. If only she were real, eh, Jacksonville? Pick: Tennessee
Joe: Hard to imagine howJacksonville's season could have gone downhill so steeply after losing theironly good player to injury. Pick: Tennessee
Houston at Indianapolis
Aaron: There are unquestionably moregrotesque stories in the news this holiday season, but let's find a way to givean honorable mention to the Arian Foster fantasy owners who groused about hisunavailability last week -- due to an irregular heartbeat -- in relation totheir fantasy playoff prospects. Pick:Houston
Joe: New Year's Eve Eve inIndianapolis! Just like Irving Berlin wrote about! Pick:Houston
Carolina at New Orleans
Aaron: Let's recap: earlier in theseason Panthers QB Cam Newton was getting nonsensically crushed for bad bodylanguage on the sideline and in postgame interviews. Last week, he deliberately bumped the refereein a game against one of the league's worst teams and nowhe's nonsensically hailed as "intense" and a "teamleader"? Got it. Pick: New Orleans
Joe: Football fans are kind of theworst. Meanwhile, what a sad 8-8 season for the Saints this will have been.Bounties and punishments and injuries and 5-interception games. Their NFL Filmshighlight video is just going to be the Drew Brees/One Direction ad over andover again. Pick: New Orleans
Philadelphia at NY Giants
Aaron: Remember that scene inMajor League where Roger Dorn defends his refusal to divefor a ball by explaining how he's not going to put himself at physical risk forhis teammates ("a bunch of stiffs") when he's so close to freeagency? Yeah, that'll be Michael Vickfilling in for Corbin Bernsen this week. Pick: NY Giants
Joe: And so begins Project Don't Letthe Bills Sign Michael Vick. Pick: NY Giants
Cleveland at Pittsburgh
Aaron: The chasm between QB BenRoethlisberger and the Steelers coaching staff is going to come to a head verysoon. Head coach Mike Tomlin looksincreasingly overrated -- more "motivator" than Xs and Os coach. His resume is impressive, even if all of thesuccess was sustained years ago, so he's got all the qualifications to be anOakland Raiders employee by 2014. Pick:Pittsburgh
Joe: Well, we've already got theSteelers knocked out of the playoffs. Maybe we can go in for a losing record aswell? Pick: Cleveland
Arizona at San Francisco
Aaron: At home and against an inferioropponent, the 49ers will probably hang 50+ points as some sort of"response" to their humiliating defeat last week. Good. Hopefully, this reminds America why we should be united in rootingagainst them when the playoffs start. Pick: San Francisco
Joe: Really excited to see how NinersQB Chris Kirkpatrick fares in the upcoming playoffs. Pick: SanFrancisco
St. Louis at Seattle
Aaron: The transformation of Seahawkshead coach Pete Carroll from laughingstock of the NFL coaching ranks into thisaffable, smirking genius isn't all that remarkable. In fact, baseball fans like me saw it whenincompetent Texas Rangers manager Bobby Valentine landed in Queens. If this ends with Carroll ruining New Englandsometime in 2022, I'll wait it out. Pick: Seattle
Joe: So who decided it was a good ideato feed the Seattle Seahawks after midnight? Huh? The cryptic, weird Asian"celestial" stereotype at the curio shop SPECIFICALLY said not to!Pick: Seattle
Oakland at San Diego
Aaron: And, so...just 48 hours afterRaiders head coach Dennis Allen went on record criticizing back-up QB TerrellePryor's practice habits, knowledge of the playbook and grasp offundamentals...Pryor was announced as the starter here. NO ONE doubts it wasowner Mark Davis who made the call in response to loud, know-nothing fans whothought QB Carson Fucking Palmer should've had this team playing in February. Honestly,you guys. Been a fan since I was sevenyears old. But, thisshit... Pick: SanDiego
Joe: Okay, ONE more win for NorvTurner. But that's it! In other news, Project Don't Let the Bills Hire NorvTurner. Pick: San Diego
Green Bay at Minnesota
Aaron: With the single-season rushingrecord within reach, Vikings RB Adrian Peterson will rack up a kajillioncarries and everyone on the field knows it. Also, predictable? ESPN.com'sBill Simmons will make a kajillion references to "Tecmo Bo Jackson"about it on his podcast come Monday. Pick: Minnesota
Joe: Come on, Packers. If you can'tget up for spitefully denying a hated rival a spot in the playoffs, what canyou get up for? Pick: Green Bay
Miami at New England
Aaron: I always look forward to the"warm-weather team plays in cold weather" narrative. The one that dutifully ignores the fact thatNO ONE likes playing in cold weather and the fans who pay to sit outside inthese temperatures are crazy people and shouldn't be romanticized. Pick: New England
Joe: I ATTENDED THE COLDEST BUFFALOBILLS GAME ON RECORD AND SAT ON METAL BLEACHERS TO DO SO AND LIKED IT. (Beatthe Jeff Hostetler-led Raiders, as I recall.) Pick: NewEngland
Kansas City at Denver
Aaron: Any team that steadfastlysticks with QB Brady Quinn has clearly stopped giving any expletives,whatsoever -- a sh*t, a f*ck, a sh*tf*ck. Take your pick. Pick: Denver
Joe: Oh, Denver. Taking an 11-game winstreak into the playoffs. Enjoy that divisional-round home loss. Pick:Denver
Dallas at Washington
Aaron: Is it possible to bet on whereRedskins QB Robert Griffin III will rank when the first fantasy footballprojections come out next summer? Overall top five, right? Third behind Adrian Peterson and ArianFoster? And, will his 2013 performancebe impacted by his inevitable "Madden 14" cover? Can we bet on this?! Pick: Washington
Joe: The NFC East can't be decided thiscleanly, can it? Pick: Dallas
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