Tucson's Legendary Zachary's Pizza is Closing

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Echoing the sentiments of Tucson Weekly, which broke the story, the AZFoodDude is sad to learn that Zachary's Pizza is closing on August 1.  There is not a lot of news officially as to why the Tucson staple is closing, but it is almost assuredly because business has been rough in an economy that continues to sputter.  A Facebook post by the restaurant on June 24 gives us a clue, "We will be cash only for a bit longer.  Please help support our business.  Summer has not been kind."

Like many folks, I was brought to Zachary's by friends of mine during a visit to Tucson.  It was after that first visit that I then introduced other friends of mine in the Valley to Zachary's incredible deep dish Chicago style pizza.  The place is so good that we have made the drive from Phoenix to Tucson just for Zachary's pizza on multiple occasions.  Now, that might sound like a long drive but employees of Zachary's will tell you of folks from all over who specifically stop for their pizza, including some regulars from New Mexico.

Near the UofA campus, now is a good time for those who want one last slice and for those who've never had the opportunity to see what all the fuss is about, to experience the hole-in-the-wall charm and head over to Zachary's.  The hours are 4pm - 10pm on Monday, 11am - 10pm Tuesday - Thursday, 11am - 11pm on Friday, noon - 11pm on Saturday and noon - 10pm on Sunday.

TBG Eats: Oggi's Pizza and Brewing Company

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Current Weight: 172.2 lbs.

Oggi's Menu

Would you believe me if I told you there was some pretty good pizza sold in San Diego?

My personal favorite is the thin crust at DiCresenzo's*. Mrs. Bootleg and I have been known to annihilate a large pié (...am I saying that right? I presume it's pronounced "pee-AY" like the erstwhile Baltimore Orioles outfielder...) in a single night. Well deserved honorable mentions go to Borrelli's and Bronx Pizza. But, don't take my word for it. Just look at the Italian surnames and New York boroughs referenced in the pizzerias' names! That's the kind of quality most Californians can practically pronounce!

* -- The original owners of DiCresenzo's sold their restaurant a few years ago. The new owners turned the place into a Chicago(?!)-themed spot, introducing deep dish pizza and those inedible celery salt, dill pickle and sport pepper hot dogs to the menu. The quality of the thin crust pizza fell WAY off when the new owners first took over, but they've improved the product to about 80% of the original. It's still a pretty steep decline, but it speaks to how superb their thin crust used to be. Now, it's just "very good".

On an unrelated note, can ANYONE make a compelling case for placing a dill pickle spear on a hot dog?

Oggi's Pizza and Brewing Company is a regional restaurant with 15 locations in southern California and one in Arizona. Oggi's (OH-gees) is arguably the most popular sports bar-y spot in San Diego, serving up ubiquitous platters of pizzas, wings and burgers alongside an assortment of macro and microbrews. It's my eight-year-old son Jalen's favorite restaurant and a ridiculously frequent postgame location after our Little League adventures.

Oddly enough, I'm not all that crazy about their pizza.


My son could eat their pepperoni pizzas morning, noon and night -- which he might've actually done on the one occasion we came home with leftovers. I think their entrée-sized pizzas, for the most part, are decent, but uninteresting. Oggi's "thin crust" -- which my son prefers -- is just a flatter version of their regular hand-tossed crust, offering little in the way of crunch or char. Their pepperoni pizza is straight from the kid-friendly, casual dining handbook with inoffensive flavors that are easily accessible to the casual palate -- cheese, sauce and salt.

Oggi's "Field Goal" is the best of their specialty pizzas. Topped with blackened chicken breast, sweet corn, cilantro, green onions, roasted garlic and gouda...it would undoubtedly be met with disdain from pizza aficionados, but the subtle harshness from the blackened chicken are softened by the corn's natural sweetness. The whole thing is carried by a mildly spicy "Santa Fe" sauce (Albuquerque's equally bold-flavored brother) and a small garden's worth of garlic.

The Margherita pizza is decent -- a bright union of olive oil, fresh basil and Roma tomatoes. Unfortunately, most of Oggi's other specialty pizzas are more gimmick than balance. The barbecue chicken ("World Series") pizza is overpowered by the sticky sweetness of the BBQ sauce on top. And, the buffalo chicken ("Slam Dunk") pizza is covered with a combustible wing sauce that's almost obnoxiously hot. Although, it's listing in the menu includes the words "...served with ranch dip...", so it's not like anyone's expectations should've been elevated.

Oggi's does feature four appetizer-sized thin-crust pizzas that are actually better than most of their regular pizzas. The "Speedway" includes an uncomplicated combination of sausage, peppers and olives, while the "Marathon" is a veggie offering with zucchini, tomatoes, garlic and a superb pickled punch of artichoke hearts.

My Oggi's go-to food is usually one of their monthly off-menu specials. And, from that list, I'll always order the sandwich or burger since they're served with their fantastic lightly-battered French fries. Last fall, Oggi's featured a turkey and cranberry Monte Cristo that was on the short list of best sandwiches I've ever eaten (...at least once a week, from November to New Year's Day). More recently, their bacon-bruschetta chicken sandwich was a mishmash of muddled flavors that even the bacon couldn't save. (My wife makes the best bruschetta in the black community and pairing it with bacon seems like an abomination. I should've trusted my gut.)


From their regular selections, the "Baja 500" chicken sandwich has a wee bit of a kick from the roasted jalapeño peppers and Cajun aioli sauce. The "Matador" burger is the red meat equivalent with identical toppings, but a little less flavor as the burger is seemingly always cooked "well" despite my repeated "medium" pleas.



Oggi's features a selection of their own beers. I've had them all and my favorite is probably the Sunset Amber Ale. It pairs well with most of their menu -- or at least the areas of the menu that I frequent -- and benefits from not being a heavy accompaniment to all of the starches that are served up. Oggi's also has a surprisingly strong -- albeit small -- rotation of other beers. In recent months, I've had some fabulous Scotch ales and my first experience with the hyper-popular Pliny the Elder -- far and away the best IPA I've ever tasted.


The dessert menu includes some beer-inspired offerings. Oggi's carrot cake and molten chocolate cake are flavored with their own brews. But, my son's absolute favorite dessert in the whole wide world (his words, not mine) is the Black Magic Stout Brownie:

A rich double chocolate fudge brownie that has been baked with Oggi’s Black Magic Stout. The brownie is drizzled with a chocolate ganache that has also been flavored with Black Magic Stout. Served warm with ice cream.


There aren't many other dessert that can elicit reactions of dorky (thumbs up!) and ecstasy.And, maybe some "this hot fudge burns my tongue like a thousand suns" reaction, too.

2012 NFL Pickery -- Week #13

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Last Week
Joe:12-4Aaron: 11-5 
Current Standings 
Joe: 113-61-1Aaron: 112-62-1 
New Orleans at Atlanta 
Aaron: The three games on Thanksgivingseemingly debunked the ol' "take the home team on a short week" credothat had been eerily accurate for most of the season.  But, like other Thanksgiving events – mywife  making/bakingthree pies in one night or America pretending to give a shitabout nationally televised parades, let's say – I'm calling them ALLoutliers.  Pick:Atlanta 
Joe: Plenty of motivation for theFalcons here, avenging their only loss of the season and trying to re-establishthemselves as the Super Bowl front-runner (they are). I thought for a whilelast week that the Saints had the stuff to make a late run at the playoffs, butwe can't expect anyone to stop Colin Kapernick, can we? Pick:Atlanta 
Jacksonville at Buffalo 
Aaron: With two weeks left in theregular season of my big-money fantasy football league; I hold a tenuous gripon the fourth and final playoff spot.  IfI can win out, I'm in.  Why am I boringall of you with this?  Because of theinherent hilarity that my fantasy season (and upcoming Christmas shopping)hinges on – in no small part – my NEW wide receiver combination of Cecil Shortsand Justin Blackmon.  Both from the 2-9Jaguars.  Apologies in advance to myfamily.  Pick: Buffalo 
Joe: One of these days, fantasy footballwill discover a way to give points for games lost by foolish interceptionsthrown when driving for the tying score. Dibs on the Bills when that happens.Pick: Buffalo 
Seattle at Chicago 
Aaron: The only thing more amusingthan the NFL experts' retroactive appreciation for Bears QB Jay Cutler is theirretroactive derision for the Seahawks. Wait, wait, wait…a team coached by the esteemed Pete Carroll and led bya rookie quarterback might occasionally be inconsistent intheir performance from week to week? But, they beat New England a few weeks ago!  On TV! Pick: Chicago 
Joe: Yeah, there's a slight chancethat Chicago's opportunistic defense will feast on Russell Wilson on the road.Pick: Chicago 
San Francisco at St. Louis 
Aaron: The last time these two teamsmet, the game ended in a tie.  I'm stilltrying to decide which postgame storyline was more insulting: the "hey, wefound a few stupid players who stupidly didn't know a regular season game canend in a tie…I mean, that's so stupid, right?" one or the "it's timeto do away with those unsightly ties and play until there's a winner (orsomeone on the field dies)" one. Pick: San Francisco 
Joe: I love how Colin Kapernick isalready Tom Brady after two weeks. No pressure, though, guy! Meanwhile, St.Louis is dangerous at home and already has shown that they can hang with theNiners on the road. But I think San Francisco is locked in at this point. Pick:San Francisco 
New England at Miami 
Aaron: Listening to this past Monday's"BS Report" podcast, it occurs to me that ESPN.com columnist BillSimmons…really believes that the Patriots are the best teamin the AFC?  So, you mean I have to setaside some time in mid-January for his "I should've seen the Ravens/Texanscoming" mea culpa podcast?  It justso happens I'm free!  Hee!  Pick: New England 
Joe: He can't help it! It's so great.Unfortunately, I don't think the Dolphins have enough weapons to properlyexploit the weak New England defense. I guess the hope is that, one by one, keyPatriots players get waylaid in Miami, "Homer at the Bat"-style. WesWelker at the Ft. Lauderdale Mystery Spot! Pick: New England 
Arizona at NY Jets 
Aaron: Honestly surprised to see howconsistent – albeit unspectacular – Jets QB Mark Sanchez's numbers have beenduring his 3 ½ seasons in the league.  Hetook the Jets to the AFC championship game his first two years and NOW he'sterrible?!  He's the same guy he's alwaysbeen!  But, if Sanchez played even aninfinitesimal role in the retirement of "Fireman Ed", then…win?  Pick: NY Jets 
Joe: It's always so unseemly when thenormally protective-to-the-point-of-insulting sports media picks a team anddeclares it open season on them. Yes, the Jets are not a very good team andthey tend to lose in embarrassing, running-into-butts ways. But to act like RexRyan and Mark Sanchez have this coming on some grand moral level ... I reallyhave never understood it. Pick: NY Jets 
Indianapolis at Detroit  
Aaron: The upstart Colts are 7-4 onthe season, but just 2-3 on the road. The Lions, meanwhile, are playing their third straight home game afterlosing the first two.  The city ofDetroit hasn't bore witness to such an "irresistible force vs. immovableobject" match-up since Hulk Hogan and Andre the Giant headlined WrestlemaniaIII at the Pontiac Silverdome.  Pick:Detroit 
Joe: I can't believe we're talkingabout anything but the colossal dumbness of that "accidentally throwingthe challenge flag when the play gets automatically reviewed means the play nolonger gets reviewed" rule that felled the Lions and their admittedlydunderheaded head coach last week. They've finally found a way to codifypassive-aggression. Pick: Indianapolis 
Minnesota at Green Bay  
Aaron: After their blowout loss to theGiants last week, expect the 7-4 Packers to bounce back with the formula that'sworked so well for them this season – barely beating teams they're obviouslybetter than.    Pick: GreenBay 
Joe: With all the talk at thebeginning of the season about how passing offense is making a dominant rushingattack obsolete, I have to think the Packers would really appreciate aneffective running back right about now. Pick: Green Bay 
Houston at Tennessee
Aaron: I don't know what kind of numbers Texans RB Arian Foster will end upwith when his career is over, but I hope any eventual discussion over his Hallof Fame credentials will include his inexplicable propensity for bow ties whenhe's not in uniform.  This is ALWAYS aterrible look for black guys – Nations of Islam and/or Domination,excepted.  Pick:Houston 
Joe: Can I get a ruling on Kareem Abdul-Jabbar on TheCritic? Anyway, Houston's near-miss against Jacksonville a few weeksago has me nervous that they could still be due for that dreaded"trap" game, but maybe they're on guard against it now. Pick:Houston 
Carolina at Kansas City 
[I don't know why, but I feel like I shouldmention that Joe and I completed our respective write-ups before the awful newsfrom Kansas City broke yesterday. --Aaron]  
Aaron: For the second week in a row,the Panthers are playing in the worst game of the week.  Given the level of pressure and competition,it looks like we'll all be treated to "competent" Cam Newton.  Again! Then, he gets to play San Diego and Oakland in back-to-back weeks laterthis month.  The Panthers couldfinish 6-10.  Again!  Pick: Carolina 
Joe: It's funny that all this ishappening while Cam is on one of the least history-laden teams in one of themost media-unfriendly markets in the league. Imagine the horror show if he wasin Dallas or New York? [shudder] Pick: Carolina 
Tampa Bay at Denver  
Aaron: With the rest of the AFC Westin their rearview mirror, a decadent array of cupcakes on their remainingschedule AND a short turnaround from this game to their next (in Oakland onThursday night); this has all the makings of a preseason-level effort from theBroncos.  Pick: TampaBay 
Joe: Can I take a moment to yell ateverybody who saw Doug Martin coming and didn't tell me about it? This ismaddening. Meanwhile, this could be a really fun, offensive-minded game towatch. Thank God the local Fox affiliate is airing "UFC's Road to theOctagon" in its place. (Yeah, yeah, blackout rules.) Pick:Denver 
Cleveland at Oakland 
Aaron: Great to see the newpatient leadership in Oakland is SO committed to theirlong-term rebuilding plan that they're planning to give callow back-up QBTerrelle Pryor some snaps this week – all in response to the large faction of moronicRaiders fans who insist Carson Palmer is the problem.  This should go well.  Pick: Cleveland 
Joe: Tough to imagine the Brownsfollowing up their big home win against the Steelers with anything but aback-to-Earth loss in Oakland. Which would be nice as somehow my fantasy seasonis riding on Raiders TE Brandon Myers. Pick: Oakland 
Cincinnati at San Diego  
Aaron: We've all enjoyed the Chargersrecent team-wide banana peel slide.  But,save for an early loss to Atlanta, they've been competitive – for the most part– in their defeats.  The Bengals have wonthree in a row – against the Raiders, Chiefs and the midseason version of theGiants.  I'm not sureeither of these two teams is all that good.  Pick: San Diego 
Joe: I agree that the Chargers can'tjust keep losing, but this Bengals team is dangerous. Not great, but dangerous.Pick: Cincinnati 
Pittsburgh at Baltimore 
Aaron: Give the NFL credit...they're hell-benton getting this matchup over as the league's new biggestrivalry.  Maybe when they meet next year,the Steelers won't be led by a back-up quarterback who's one or two decadespast his prime.  Pick:Baltimore 
Joe: Do these two teams just play eachother every week now? Doesn't it seem that way? Also remarkable: how theSteelers have managed to eke out a winning record without having ONE playeryou'd be happy to have on your fantasy team. Pick: Baltimore 
Philadelphia at Dallas 
Aaron: Much-maligned Cowboys QB TonyRomo has had a surprisingly solid year. Just so I'm clear, the plan is to forget that and unfairly blameeverything on him -- as usual -- when the Cowboys fail to make the playoffs, right?  Just checking.  Pick: Dallas 
Joe: A full-on tank by the Eagles, allthe way down to the top draft pick, is probably exactly what they need. Cleanseit with fire. Pick: Dallas 
NY Giants at Washington
Aaron: This seems like the perfecttime to pick the Redskins.  They lost inthe last minutes to the Giants earlier this season and Eli Manning has beennowhere to be seen for most of November. But, the Redskins still rank next-to-last in passdefense and don't the Giants get hot around this time every year (that they goon to win the Super Bowl)?  Pick:NY Giants
Joe: Very important caveat there, Cam.All this knowing talk about how the Giants operate makes it sound like they'rein the Super Bowl every year. They haven't won playoff games in consecutiveyears in the entire Coughlin era. Pointless numerology neutralized pointlessnumerology! Pick: Washington

2012 NFL Pickery -- Week #16

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Last Week
Joe: 13-2Aaron: 7-9
Current Standings
Joe: 145-76-1Aaron: 136-86-1


Atlanta at Detroit (Saturday)
Aaron: Oh, of course. I started LionsQB Matt Stafford during the first round of my big-money league fantasy playoffslast week.  After putting up solidnumbers over the past three weeks, he gave me six goddampoints against the execrable Cardinals when I needed him the most.  When my eight-year-old son asks why there areno presents under the Christmas tree, I'm going to show him a picture of YOURFAT FACE, STAFFORD.  Pick:Atlanta
Joe: I don't want to talk about himanymore. I should probably feel bad for Detroit fans, having been teased with aplayoff team last year only to have it cruelly yanked away. But betweenStafford and the fact that seemingly every week I went up against Mike Leshourewho scored as many touchdowns are he possibly could and still have the Lionslose ... let's say my sympathy has been drained. Pick: Atlanta

Oakland at Carolina
Aaron: My Raiders insist thatthird-string QB Terrelle Pryor will see some opportunities this week in thirddown situations and in the red zone.  Y'know, because when you're 4-10 and havescored the sixth fewest points in the league, you entrust the offense to thelong-term project who's been on the field for three plays inhis two-year NFL career.  Pick:Carolina
Joe: Carolina is pulling the old Billstrick of pulling a 7-9 season out of a terrible start and sabotaging anyprospects to improve through the draft. Well done! Pick:Carolina

New Orleans at Dallas
Aaron: Pretty sure it was preordainedthat the 2012 NFC East would end in a spectacular clusterfuck heading into thefinal week, so I'll pick accordingly. Pick: Dallas
Joe: What do you think goes throughJerry Jones's mind when he looks at the Saints, a team whose season wasdeep-sixed by the commissioner's office (or so the outrage goes). Does he feellike the career bank-robber who's been on the run his whole life looking atsomeone get popped? Pick: Dallas

Tennessee at Green Bay
Aaron: While the Packers seem to begetting healthy at juuust the right time, the nitpicky cynicin me can't help but point out that they've allowed most of their 2012opponents to keep the score close all season. They'll be a fascinating storyline in January.  Less so against the continued collection ofcream puffs, cakes and éclairs they'll squeak by in December.  Pick: Green Bay
Joe: By the NY Giants theory of lyingin the NFC weeds, the Packers would seem to have their opponents right wherethey want them. Pick: Green Bay

Indianapolis at Kansas City
Aaron: Soon-to-be-fired Chiefs headcoach Romeo Crennel is going to be handsomely paid for the final two years ofthe three-year contract he signed prior to the 2012 season.  His career record is 28-53. If this isn't aspecific Republican presidential candidate talking point in 2016, I'll bedisappointed.  Pick:Indianapolis
Joe: Not that this game is importantenough to warrant it, but you know those mayoral wagers where the mayor ofKansas City will send a case of BBQ to the mayor of Indianapolis, who in turnsends to the mayor of Kansas City ... what? Miniature Formula One cars?Parks and Recreation DVDs? Pick:Indianapolis

Buffalo at Miami
Aaron: NOW, it occurs to me that I'vebeen picking the Bills with much more frequency than the guy who actuallyroots for them.  I'mbeginning to think Joe knows something I don't. Pick: Miami
Joe: Well, great. SKYNET has becomeself-aware. Pick: Miami

San Diego at NY Jets
Aaron: It's probably not a good signin the short-term that in the same week third-string QB Greg McElroy is namedthe starter for the Jets, there are reports that the team will pursue MichaelVick for their quarterback spot in 2013. Oh, Jets.  Don't ever change.  Pick: San Diego
Joe: I still think we've seen NorvTurner's last win for the Chargers. Pick: NY Jets

Washington at Philadelphia
Aaron: Let's slow down on all the"Washington has TWO good quarterbacks" claptrap, America.  Backup QB Kirk Cousins is the quintessentialsecond-stringer -- unspectacularly competent -- who's coming off a win againstCleveland. Cleveland.  TheRedskins could start Cousins OR a recovering Robert Griffin III this week.  The Eagles are worthy of the samecondescending italics.  Pick:Washington
Joe: I've been home for Christmas for25 hours now, and I've already got family members clamoring for Andy Reid (mybrother's namesake, of course) to be the next Bills head coach. Somebodybright-side this for me.  Pick:Washington

Cincinnati at Pittsburgh
Aaron: The Steelers were outcoachedtwo weeks ago against the Chargers and outplayed last week against theCowboys.  While it's FAR too soon towelcome Pittsburgh's Mike Tomlin into the pantheon of incompetent black headcoaches; Art Shell, Dennis Green, Ray Rhodes, Raheem Morris and Herm Edwardsare monitoring the situation.  Pick:Pittsburgh
Joe: This Christmas, let's give theSteelers the gift of a January vacation, hmm? Pick:Cincinnati

St. Louis at Tampa Bay
Aaron: The Buccaneers still sport thetop-ranked defense against the run AND the worst defense against the pass.  Since the Rams offense still goes through RBSteven Jackson and the Bucs are at home and they're probably still pissed overlast week's 41-0 loss to New Orleans and...etc. Pick: Tampa Bay
Joe: Whereas I think the Bucs havelost it. LOST IT! Scientific finding! Pick: St. Louis

New England at Jacksonville
Aaron: Seems unfair that it's thePatriots who are the only team to receive two byes this season, but after lastweek's heavyweight fight against the 49ers, I suppose it'sdefensible. Pick: New England
Joe: Really annoyed that last week'snear-comeback against the Niners gave Pats fans the bright side of proof thatrunning up the score is necessary. Even when they lose they win. Pick:New England

Minnesota at Houston
Aaron: Surprised to learn the Vikings(with RB Adrian Peterson) and Texans (with RB Arian Foster) only rank fourthand fifth, respectively, in rushing offense. OK, so the three teams ahead of them (Washington, San Francisco andSeattle) have quarterbacks who can run, but keep this bit of trivia in yourback pocket. Use it to chase off the sports-hating relatives after Christmasdinner.  Pick: Houston
Joe: Once again, we're still nottalking enough about Adrian Peterson. I know this because someone somewhere isnot talking about him right now. And there's no excuse for that. Pick:Houston

Cleveland at Denver
Aaron: I'm beginning to reconsider my"Broncos have already clinched the division, they're due for aletdown" prognostication strategy. Pick: Denver
Joe: Watch out, Broncos! Don't want totake a jinx-prone winning streak into the playoffs! Start that goldbricking,fellas. Pick: Denver


Chicago at Arizona
Aaron: With their season teetering onthe brink, a loss to the 5-9 Cardinals would undoubtedly be the most "JayCutler" moment of Jay Cutler's career. Chicago
Joe: The Cardinals started the season4-0, you guys. THIS season! THESE Cardinals! Pick: Chicago

NY Giants at Baltimore
Aaron: Both of these once-greatdefenses are now borderline abominable. But, it's the Giants who have some serious health concerns with many ofQB Eli Manning's weapons banged-up.  Ithink it's time for the greater New York/New Jersey area to consider thepossibility that Manning's social calendar will be WIDE open for the next ninemonths.  Available for birthdayparties!  Pick:Baltimore
Joe: I'd say it's the Ravens who areslightly more likely to go into the ultimate swoon, but there's no one in theAFC waiting to overtake them. BTW, is Ray Rice still a great running back? I'mnot being sarcastic -- I honestly don't know. I haven't heard anyone mentionhim all season. Pick: NY Giants

San Francisco at Seattle
Aaron: The 49ers can be schizophrenicfrom week to week, while the Seahawks' earlier loss in San Francisco was on aThursday night as both teams sleepwalked for three hours. It's not exactly anairtight rationale for picking Seattle, but one of these teams has gotta win, Isuppose.  Pick:Seattle
Joe: Happy that the Seahawks were ableto get those self-esteem-boosting 50-plus-point outings against the Cardinalsand Bills in time to be wildly overconfident against the 49ers. Pick:San Francisco

2012 NFL Pickery -- Week #17

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Last Week
Joe: 12-4Aaron: 12-4
Current Standings
Joe: 157-80-1Aaron: 146-90-1

Tampa Bay at Atlanta
Aaron: The Falcons have wrapped up theNFC #1 seed in the playoffs, so I doubt their starters will see muchaction.  On a related note, theBuccaneers haven't shown up since before Thanksgiving.  (Hey, it's been a long season. I'm allowedONE Jay Leno-esque joke this week, yes?) Pick: Atlanta
Joe: Oh, wait, did we all forget tohave that tedious conversation about whether the Falcons are cheating theirfans by sitting their starters? Pick: Atlanta

NY Jets at Buffalo
Aaron: I don't know what's true andwhat's not. But, I'm rooting for this Tim Tebow heel turn to continue this weekand through the offseason -- with an NWO-era Hollywood Hulk Hogan beard and aninterview tour that draws heavily on The Rock's infamous, incredulous "DieRocky Die" promo.  Pick:Buffalo
Joe: Whoever starts for the Jets thisweek, can they just do me a solid and beat the Bills so that I can at leastlook forward to a top-5 draft pick? Pick: NY Jets

Baltimore at Cincinnati
Aaron: The Bengals are currently thesixth seed in the AFC playoffs and will be playing on the road next weekagainst one of the division champions. So, I'll go back to inexplicably picking against them in seven days.  Pick: Cincinnati
Joe: The Bengals are certainly playingbetter more consistently these days. But that was a good, solid win the Ravenshad over the Giants last week. I think they pull this one out too. Pick:Baltimore

Chicago at Detroit
Aaron: For Chicago to make theplayoffs, the Bears need to win here and hope Minnesota loses to GreenBay.  Sounds like an awful lot of goodfortune considering the storm cloud that perpetually follows Jay Cutler's poutyfrown around.  Pick:Chicago
Joe: Detroit is riding an incrediblysad first-to-worst trajectory that can't possibly be redeemed even by knockinga division rival out of the playoffs. But they might as well give it a try.Pick: Detroit

Jacksonville at Tennessee
Aaron: The 2-13 Jaguars remain incontention for the first pick in next year's draft. They've already defeatedthe Titans earlier this season, so a win here does nothing for no one.  Kind of like Maggie in the "Lisa onIce" episode of The Simpsons just before she catchesthe beer bottle that was hurtling towards Homer's head.  If only she were real, eh, Jacksonville?  Pick: Tennessee
Joe: Hard to imagine howJacksonville's season could have gone downhill so steeply after losing theironly good player to injury. Pick: Tennessee

Houston at Indianapolis
Aaron: There are unquestionably moregrotesque stories in the news this holiday season, but let's find a way to givean honorable mention to the Arian Foster fantasy owners who groused about hisunavailability last week -- due to an irregular heartbeat -- in relation totheir fantasy playoff prospects.  Pick:Houston
Joe: New Year's Eve Eve inIndianapolis! Just like Irving Berlin wrote about! Pick:Houston

Carolina at New Orleans
Aaron: Let's recap: earlier in theseason Panthers QB Cam Newton was getting nonsensically crushed for bad bodylanguage on the sideline and in postgame interviews.  Last week, he deliberately bumped the refereein a game against one of the league's worst teams and nowhe's nonsensically hailed as "intense" and a "teamleader"?  Got it.  Pick: New Orleans
Joe: Football fans are kind of theworst. Meanwhile, what a sad 8-8 season for the Saints this will have been.Bounties and punishments and injuries and 5-interception games. Their NFL Filmshighlight video is just going to be the Drew Brees/One Direction ad over andover again. Pick: New Orleans

Philadelphia at NY Giants
Aaron: Remember that scene inMajor League where Roger Dorn defends his refusal to divefor a ball by explaining how he's not going to put himself at physical risk forhis teammates ("a bunch of stiffs") when he's so close to freeagency?  Yeah, that'll be Michael Vickfilling in for Corbin Bernsen this week. Pick: NY Giants
Joe: And so begins Project Don't Letthe Bills Sign Michael Vick. Pick: NY Giants

Cleveland at Pittsburgh
Aaron: The chasm between QB BenRoethlisberger and the Steelers coaching staff is going to come to a head verysoon.  Head coach Mike Tomlin looksincreasingly overrated -- more "motivator" than Xs and Os coach.  His resume is impressive, even if all of thesuccess was sustained years ago, so he's got all the qualifications to be anOakland Raiders employee by 2014.  Pick:Pittsburgh
Joe: Well, we've already got theSteelers knocked out of the playoffs. Maybe we can go in for a losing record aswell? Pick: Cleveland

Arizona at San Francisco
Aaron: At home and against an inferioropponent, the 49ers will probably hang 50+ points as some sort of"response" to their humiliating defeat last week.  Good. Hopefully, this reminds America why we should be united in rootingagainst them when the playoffs start. Pick: San Francisco
Joe: Really excited to see how NinersQB Chris Kirkpatrick fares in the upcoming playoffs. Pick: SanFrancisco

St. Louis at Seattle
Aaron: The transformation of Seahawkshead coach Pete Carroll from laughingstock of the NFL coaching ranks into thisaffable, smirking genius isn't all that remarkable.  In fact, baseball fans like me saw it whenincompetent Texas Rangers manager Bobby Valentine landed in Queens.  If this ends with Carroll ruining New Englandsometime in 2022, I'll wait it out. Pick: Seattle
Joe: So who decided it was a good ideato feed the Seattle Seahawks after midnight? Huh? The cryptic, weird Asian"celestial" stereotype at the curio shop SPECIFICALLY said not to!Pick: Seattle

Oakland at San Diego
Aaron: And, so...just 48 hours afterRaiders head coach Dennis Allen went on record criticizing back-up QB TerrellePryor's practice habits, knowledge of the playbook and grasp offundamentals...Pryor was announced as the starter here. NO ONE doubts it wasowner Mark Davis who made the call in response to loud, know-nothing fans whothought QB Carson Fucking Palmer should've had this team playing in February. Honestly,you guys.  Been a fan since I was sevenyears old.  But, thisshit...  Pick: SanDiego
Joe: Okay, ONE more win for NorvTurner. But that's it! In other news, Project Don't Let the Bills Hire NorvTurner. Pick: San Diego

Green Bay at Minnesota
Aaron: With the single-season rushingrecord within reach, Vikings RB Adrian Peterson will rack up a kajillioncarries and everyone on the field knows it. Also, predictable?  ESPN.com'sBill Simmons will make a kajillion references to "Tecmo Bo Jackson"about it on his podcast come Monday. Pick: Minnesota
Joe: Come on, Packers. If you can'tget up for spitefully denying a hated rival a spot in the playoffs, what canyou get up for? Pick: Green Bay

Miami at New England
Aaron: I always look forward to the"warm-weather team plays in cold weather" narrative.  The one that dutifully ignores the fact thatNO ONE likes playing in cold weather and the fans who pay to sit outside inthese temperatures are crazy people and shouldn't be romanticized.  Pick: New England
Joe: I ATTENDED THE COLDEST BUFFALOBILLS GAME ON RECORD AND SAT ON METAL BLEACHERS TO DO SO AND LIKED IT. (Beatthe Jeff Hostetler-led Raiders, as I recall.) Pick: NewEngland

Kansas City at Denver
Aaron: Any team that steadfastlysticks with QB Brady Quinn has clearly stopped giving any expletives,whatsoever -- a sh*t, a f*ck, a sh*tf*ck. Take your pick.  Pick: Denver
Joe: Oh, Denver. Taking an 11-game winstreak into the playoffs. Enjoy that divisional-round home loss. Pick:Denver

Dallas at Washington
Aaron: Is it possible to bet on whereRedskins QB Robert Griffin III will rank when the first fantasy footballprojections come out next summer?  Overall top five, right?  Third behind Adrian Peterson and ArianFoster?  And, will his 2013 performancebe impacted by his inevitable "Madden 14" cover?  Can we bet on this?!  Pick: Washington
Joe: The NFC East can't be decided thiscleanly, can it? Pick: Dallas