Current Weight: 169.8 lbs.
2007 -- Krispy Kreme Chicken Sandwich,Garlic Fries, Funnel Cake, Foot-long Hot Dog, Fried Twinkie, FriedRattlesnake.
2008 -- Deep-Fried White Castle Slider,14-inch Corn Dog, Fried Oreos, Street Tacos, Frog Legs.
2009 -- Oatmeal Cookie Chicken Sandwich,Fried Catfish, Chocolate-Covered Bacon, Fried Macaroni and Cheese,"Zucchini Weeni".
2010 -- Deep-Fried Pop Tart, Hash BrownFry Dog, Buffalo Chicken Indian Fry Bread, Deep-Fried Klondike Bar,Chocolate-Dipped Pickle, Deep-Fried Butter.
This year's San Diego Fair food report almost wentunfinished.
For the sixth straight year, my wife, our eight-year-oldson and I made the trek from Stately Bootleg Manor to the coastal town of DelMar. As usual, I got down to gluttony assoon as the gates opened. Mrs. Bootlegand Jalen joined me for my first meal. She ordered what appeared to be a wholly mediocre Philly cheesesteak(...and you can be judgmental when you've been to the mountaintop) while Jalen predictably went withpizza.
Before long, Jalen was off attempting toride...every...ride. Twice. And, sometimes thrice. During the week, the crowds don't appearuntil late afternoon, so my son had the run of the park. Until he tripped.
After yet another spin on one of the fair's spinniestspinning rides, J was looking a little green. This was an unhealthy, unflattering green that heretofore had only been seen here. Iwas just two meals into my fried food festivus and nearly undone bysomeone else's stomach issues.
Thankfully, J felt better after two bottles of water andan extended break from self-inflicted dizziness. Later, I bought him a brownie ice creamsundae in a bowl and -- hands be damned -- he proceeded to eat it using onlyhis mouth. Here's a reasonable facsimileof the instant replay for those of you who might'vemissed it.
Now, step aside, son. Let dad show you how it's done.
Deep-Fried Peanut Butter & Jelly Sandwich-- A few years back, in response to posts like the one you're currentlyreading, I wrote about the handful of foods that even I wouldn't eat. Now, I'm not saying I should've found a place on the list for peanutbutter, but it's one of those foods that I'm nitpickingly particular about. First,it must be "creamy" not "crunchy". Are you familiar with that chalky-textured,obscenely sweet stuff crammed inside a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup? That ain't peanut butter. And, most importantly, there IS a properpeanut butter-to-jelly ratio inside of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
In what's become an annual tradition within this annualtradition, the Chicken Charlie's stand was once again the spot for my firstmeal of the morning. Breakfast would bea battered up and deep fried peanut butter and jelly sandwich that's thenfinished with an additional drizzle of jelly and a pinch of powdered sugar.
Unfortunately, the first bite didn't floor me. The ubiquitous fair batter that enveloped theP, the B and the J was, as always, deliciously dense and decadent. But, simply put, there was too much peanutbutter. I admit to being in the minorityon this matter, but the perfect peanut butter and jellysandwich is made with one part peanut butter and [pause for melodramaticeffect] one-and-a-half to two parts jelly. [Pause for boos.] Wait, let mefinish. Without the added gelatinoussweetness, the flavor profile is just a salt sammich with subtle sugar notes.
Here, the peanut butter overwhelmed the jelly and -- whendropped into the deep fryer -- the PB became caramel-like in its consistency,oozing all over the place. By the end ofthis mess, all I could taste was hot, runny peanut butter -- not unlike thoseabominable "natural" peanut butters that require stirring beforespreading. (And, if you peanut butterbelievers are going to boo anything, it should be that.) Grade 1.5 (out of 5)
Meat Lover's Hot Dog on a Stick -- Withno end in sight to America's hyperbolic bacon fad, it's high time wecollectively decided on which group is more annoying: the over-the-toppro-bacon crowd who show their support with the 'caps lock' key on and an extrahelping of exclamation points or the hilariously haughty bacon traditionalistswho recoil with horror at the sight of bacon anywhere beyond a mediocrechain-restaurant cheeseburger or the breakfast table. Let's call it a "push" and cut tothe chase -- a bacon-wrapped hot dog should work...but,here, it doesn't.
"Salty"is not a strong enough adjective for this. I'd say it's appropriate to use salty's full name. Hell, my first bite felt like a foreignobject had been flung at my face. The flavors seemed to even out by the end -- either that or my palate hadtapped out -- but, curiously, the hot dog might've been more than just bacon'sunwilling sodium accomplice as it was ridiculously salty on its own. Still, this was a MUCH higher quality hot dogthan the fair usually produces with a nice snap and better-than-acceptabletexture. The beer-battered bacon wasfine -- crunchy on the outside, somewhat soggy on the inside with none of thefat trimmed away. Better bacon/hot dogtaste delineation would've saved this from a subpar rating. And, it was screamingfor something sweet (a squeeze of maple syrup?) to cut the saltiness. Nextyear, I'll bring my own Mrs. Buttersworth, yo. Grade: 2
Deep-Fried Chili Asteroids -- Forthose of you who don't know, the theme of this year's San Diego Fair is/wasouter space. That doesn't excuse thisunfortunately-named appetizer/punch line, even if the description soundedabsolutely divine:
Award-winning homemade chili and cheese,deep-fried in a hushpuppy batter.
Admittedly, my standards are high. Mrs. Bootleg makes an amazing chili that'sthe perfect autumnal accompaniment when the November thermostat sinks to 66degrees and we briefly consider closing the living room window. My hushpuppy expectations are equally loftyas I once knew a guy who worked at Long John Silver's.
Predictably, there's more hushpuppy here than chili as Iassume the extra batter was needed to contain a food usually found in abowl. The chili was a bland mix ofground beef, beans, chili powder, cumin and whatever else Homer Simpson sniffed in the air 15 years ago. I really liked the hushpuppy crust, though,as its cornmeal origins were a natural accompaniment for the chili. However, the side of nacho cheese dippin'sauce was ultimately superfluous as it suffocated the other flavors andtextures.
This was the perfect mishmash of "awesome" and"meh", so we'll grade it accordingly. Grade: 2.5
Sweet Potato Tater Tots -- At thispoint, panic is starting to set in. We're halfway through the afternoon and I hadn't eaten anything that I'dscore better than average. And,considering my previous experiences with sweet potato fries, this would be theproverbial roll of the dice. When doneright -- thin-cut and crispy -- sweet potato fries can be fantastic. But, too many establishments serve them up asthick-cut sponges that retain a quart of grease apiece.
The sweet potato tater tots werealmost executed perfectly. The exterior was light and crisp -- almost potato chip-like -- while theinterior was texturally fantastic. Theheavy, fibrous characteristics inherent within Thanksgiving's favorite roottuber were nowhere to be found. In itsplace was a mildly sweet airiness that bordered on addicting.
Oh, but the execution. The tater tots desperately needed salt. Not a lot, but singular shot from the shaker-- two, tops -- would've elevated the flavors. And, much to my surprise, the tots weren't served with any sort ofdipping sauce. I've been spoiled by thecreamy pumpkin-spiced sauce that several places serve, so I'd have settled forsomething simple and citrusy. Not even one lonely lemon wedge? My, what could've been. Grade: 3.5
Fried Pineapple -- Both the sun and mystomach were starting to set and I was unsure if I'd ever find the one annual menuitem that would knock my socks off. Everyyear something edible earns one of my exaggerated "500(out of 5)" scores. Could lastyear's maple bacon donut EVER be toppled from its sticky, porcine pedestal? It's up to you, inexplicably fried Hawaiianfruit.
By themselves, pineapples are in my pantheon of favoritefruits. And, the fried pineapples werecertainly the most visually appealing meal I ate all day. Perfect golden-brown rings lightly topped witha bittersweet chocolate sauce and a pinch of powdered sugar. It took a few bites for me to adjust to thecrispiness, but the pineapple's natural flavors were mostly unchanged.
If anything, the heat from the grease muted the pineapple'salready mellow notes. It also led to theevaporation of some of the fruit's juiciness. In simplest terms, this was really a pineapple upside down cake turnedinside out. In my terms? Dee-LISH! Grade: 4
Bacon-Wrapped Jalapeño Peppers -- Thesewere referred to as "Porky Poppers" on the menu, but I'm proud toreport I kept my dignity and ordered using their literal description. That same dignity was temporarily misplacedwhen I popped one of the porkies, whole, in my mouth. See that toothpick-looking thing runningperpendicular to each jalapeño pepper? Turns out it's an actual toothpick. And, when mindlessly munched on, they're more abrasive on the inside ofyour mouth than a bowl of Quizno's-cooked Cap'n Crunch.
I appreciated the use of fresh jalapeños. They're hotter and more flavorful than thepickled imposters found on ballpark nachos. The bacon was bountiful and the peppers were stuffed with gouda. Unfortunately, the sweetness of the gouda wasmostly smothered from the saltiness of the bacon and the spiciness of thepeppers. Given a choice between two ofthe three flavors coming through, I'd have preferred "sweet" and"salty" or "sweet" and "spicy". The "salty" and "spicy"territory is already well-trodden convenience store turf. Grade: 2
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