2012 NFL Pickery -- Week #2

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Last Week

Joe: 12-4
Aaron: 8-8

Current Standings

Joe: 12-4Aaron: 8-8

 Chicago at Green Bay

Aaron:Last week, the Packers surprisingly lost at home to a team with an efficientquarterback, strong running game and ferocious defense.  It occurs to me that local beat writers maywant to save their copy of last Sunday's game and swap out the 49ers names withtheir positional equivalents on the Bears. Pick: Chicago 
Joe: I think I'm gonna chalk up lastweek's Packers sluggishness to Week 1 ... well, sluggishness. The Packers needto solve their running game inefficiencies, like, immediately. It's a testamentto how far everybody bought into the "NFL Is a Passing League,Dammit" philosophy that the Pack were named Super Bowl locks with acompletely empty backfield. Meanwhile, I'm not going to make a huge deal of mebeing right about the Jay Cutler-Brandon Marshall thing. This week, they cangive it a try against a good defense. Pick: Green Bay 
Kansas City at Buffalo 
Aaron: Joe's heartbreaking real-timetweets from the first quarter of his beloved Bills' season-opener ended with"Aaaaand, there goes Fred Jackson's knee...". NotJoe-mentioned: WR David Nelson's torn ACL or the Bills' AWOL defense againstthe Jets. There's still plenty of season left for the Bills to rebuild Joe'shopes before spectacularly dashing them, but they'd better start winning ifwe're going to enjoy it. Pick: Kansas City 
Joe: I mean, no, it was not funwatching that game last week. But it wasn't like I didn't see it coming. It'stough to figure out what the takeaway is, though: Fitz looked absolutelybrutal, but you could talk me into thinking he improved in the second half. Thedefense was SHOCKINGLY porous and exhibited that classic Bills trait of notbeing able to make a stop on 3rd down; but gosh, did CJ Spiller look good. I'dbe all over KC on the road, but at home ... I think I'm gonna cross my fingersfor a bounce-back game. Just don't make Matt Cassel look like Joe Montana,guys. Pick: Buffalo 
Oakland at Miami 
Aaron: Well. I suppose there's somehonor in establishing a sports precedent when your team's emergencylong-snapper has become a national laughingstock.  That obvious narrative obscures the realstory from Oakland's season-opening loss, which is: "Try throwingthe goddam ball DOWNFIELD, you stupid Raiders!"  Pick:Miami 
Joe: As someone who had Houston in hisknockout pool last week, Miami hung around uncomfortably long in the first halflast week. I could see them being an exceedingly tough out this season,especially at home. But I think the Raiders bounce back here. After all,they've got the all-important "Aaron Cameron Doesn't Believe In Us"intangible. Pick: Oakland 
Baltimore at Philadelphia 
Aaron: Oh, those first weeknarratives. If I pick the Ravens, I'd be buying into their impressive winagainst Cincinnati last week AND the Eagles somnambulant effort againstCleveland.  If I pick the Eagles, I'mignoring all of the above.  Let's go withthe one that's less effort for me.  Pick:Philadelphia 
Joe: Yeah, safe to say I wasn'texpecting either of those narratives to emerge so dominantly. Week 2 isnotoriously frustrating for this kind of thing -- was Week 1 an aberration or atrend? And since I am not in any way equipped to tell, I'm just gonna pick theopposite of Cam. Pick: Baltimore 
 
Tampa Bay at NY Giants 
Aaron: Wondering if two Super Bowlwins worth of collateral bought the Giants some slacklocally after an Opening Night loss to the hated Cowboys.  Me thinks the Bucs will make it allbetter.  Pick: NYGiants 
Joe: The Giants running game lookedseriously problematic last week, and the countdown is onbefore Victor Cruz's butterfingers become An Issue, but yeah, at home againstthe Bucs, they should be able to pull it out. Pick: NYGiants 
Arizona at New England 
Aaron: Unless Cardinals' WR LarryFitzgerald and his gargantuan wingspan is assigned to cover either of thePatriots' tyrannosaurus tight ends, it would seem Arizona's defense isill-equipped for this encounter.  Thiswill give us all more time to cover the juxtaposition of Tom Brady's brokennose and beautiful face FROM EVERY ANGLE. Pick: New England 
Joe: Did I have a high fever onSunday, or do I recall Kevin Kolb coming into the game late and "winning"it for the Cardinals? There is nothing that behaves more out of character thana QB coming off the bench. Pick: New England 
Houston at Jacksonville 
Aaron: I'd have to think NFLCommissioner Roger Goodell would at least listen when and ifJacksonville, Tennessee and Indianapolis decide to secede from the AFCSouth.  Pick: Houston 
Joe: I still can't trust the idea of a"dominant" Texans team, but if they keep playing these crappy teamsfrom Florida ... okay. Pick: Houston 
New Orleans at Carolina 
Aaron: The Saints' defense didn't showup last week and it wasn't an aberration. They'll have to win a good share of shootouts if they have any hope ofplaying in January.  And, how can the ArenaFootball business model possibly fail? Pick: New Orleans 
Joe: I'd have been all over the upsetpick here if Carolina has shown even a little bit of life against Tampa lastweek. Pick: New Orleans 
Cleveland at Cincinnati 
Aaron: I'm looking forward toover-thinking Browns games in November as I attempt to predict the inevitableupset that will be their first win of the season.  Pick: Cincinnati 
Joe: "The world's largest cubiczirconia." "What an eyesore!" That one's for you, Battle ofOhio. Pick: Cincinnati 
Minnesota at Indianapolis 
Aaron: Unless the Colts drafted"an entire defense" with their next pick after Andrew Luck this pastApril...  Also, the impressive return ofVikings RB Adrian Peterson from reconstructive knee surgery just eight monthsago is either a flashpoint in the evolution of 21st century sports medicine oraccidentally symbolic of the league's reckless, win-at-all-costs culture thattrades on a player's health for a few more wins.  Pick: Minnesota 
Joe: I hope somebody is telling AndrewLuck to enjoy this season full of padding his stats and not bearing anyresponsibility for his team's losses. It's rare and spectacular in this"blame the QB" world of sports media. Pick:Minnesota 
Washington at St. Louis 
Aaron: Redskins QB Robert Griffin IIIisn't the most polished rookie passer, but his athleticism was breathtaking attimes in week one.  I suppose no roadgame is a gimmie for a kid QB, but...the Rams, you guys.  Pick: Washington 
Joe: The Rams looked feistier lastweek and more like the team I thought could go 8-8 (and challenge for what Ithought would be another 9-7 NFC West championship, before I realized theNiners could go 13-3) last year. God help me, though, the Redskins/Griffin lookfor real. Pick: Washington 
Dallas at Seattle 
Aaron: Is it too early for a"let-down game"?  Probably, butI think the Seahawks give the Cowboys for the first half or so.  Unfortunately, Seattle's offensive lineissues combined with RB Marshawn Lynch's wonky back combined with the Cowboysstout run defense...you know where I'm going with this.  Pick: Dallas 
Joe: Why was everybody so down on theCowboys anyway, is my question? I know it's fun to hate on Jerry's Boys, but Ithink it fools us into thinking that "not great" equals"terrible." They're still not great, but Seattle looked ROUGH againsta bad team last week. Pick: Dallas 
NY Jets at Pittsburgh 
Aaron: New York City's collectivecrush on Jets QB Mark Sanchez ends here. Well, for the week, anyway. Pick: Pittsburgh 
Joe: Yeah, I can't imagine theSteelers' defense is as generous as the Bills' was. BUT! I was kind of struckby how much better/more confident Mark Sanchez looks when he's throwing to widereceivers who don't hate him. It's that QB/WR chemistry thing again. Sorry,Santonio Holmes, but Whatshisname and That Guy have supplanted your complainingass. Pick: NY Jets 
Tennessee at San Diego 
Aaron: Look, Chargers fans...ifyou wanna take pride in a win over a rebuilding Raidersteam, have at it. But, one touchdown and three field-position-gifted fieldgoals aren't going to be enough to knock off any of the AFC's legitimateplayoff contenders...right, AFC?!  Not sofast, Tennessee.  No one was talking toyou.  Pick: San Diego 
Joe: One blowout loss to the Patriotsisn't going to rob me of picking the Titans to be a sleeper this year. ChrisJohnson starting the season with another deeply troubling ground outing ...that might. Pick: San Diego 
Detroit at San Francisco 
Aaron: Looks like the 49ersmight've been one of two teams that I grossly underratedcoming into this season.  I'm still notsure how QB Alex Smith was both accurate and efficient last week in Green Bay,but here they're home and the Lions ain't the Packers.  Pick: San Francisco 
Joe: JESUS HOPPING CHRIST, MATTHEWSTAFFORD, GET IT TOGETHER. SIGNED, JOE'S TENUOUS FANTASY FOOTBALL PROSPECTS.Pick: San Francisco Denver atAtlanta
Aaron: And, here's theother team that might be better than I thought!  Broncos QB Peyton Manning was nothing shortof surgical with his short-to-moderate passing approach last week.  The Falcons have a few more weapons onoffense than the Steelers -- the Broncos' week one opponent -- but, Manninglooked great against a much better defense than what's in Atlanta.  Pick: Denver 
Joe: But that Julio Jones, though ... what a guy. Pick:Atlanta

The LL Chronicles #21: "They said it was life-threatening!"

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As most of you know, I negotiate and manage contracts fora large defense contractor in San Diego. My office -- OK, fine...cubicle -- is one of two thatsits apart from the dozen or so others in my department.  The professional productivity born from thequiet solitude of this perfectly-acceptable separate-but-equal arrangement isbut one benefit for me.  The other isMLB.TV. 

When my Oakland A's are playing a day game during thework week; I'll fire up the "MLB at-bat" app on my Droid, turn downthe volume and slide the phone to the farthest corner of my desk -- behind bothmy computer and business-ubiquitous Dilbert desk calendar.  I can glance over at the game between e-mailsor during interminable teleconferences. And, no one else can see the teeny screen unless he or she is sitting inmy chair. 
Two weeks ago, the A's were playing the Angels in thefinale of a three-game series.  Firstpitch was scheduled for 12:35PM, but I could not watch on this Wednesday afternoon.  A large international proposal effortmonopolized my time and attention.  Latein the day, I learned through Twitter that A's starting pitcher BrandonMcCarthy had left the game after a line drive off the bat of the Angels' ErickAybar ricocheted off his skull. 
I re-tweeted the link immediately above -- withoutwatching the video -- and followed that up with a tweet of my own. The next morning, it was announced that McCarthy had surgery to treat anepidural hemorrhage, brain contusion and skull fracture.  I cannot fathom the feelings of McCarthy'sfamily and friends in the immediate aftermath. But, as the father of an eight-year-old ballplayer, I felt nauseous. 
My son Jalen moved up to the "farm" division ofhis Little League this past spring.  Thiswould be the first opportunity for the kids to face live pitching.  And, judging from the repeated 6:30 AM thump!thump! thump! wake-up calls of spongy Smushballsbeing hurled against our living room wall, J really wantedto pitch. 
On the whole, J pitched pretty well.  He ditched his fastball grip early on andthrew exclusively change-ups, but still ended up as one of the three mostdependable pitchers on our team. 
Early in the spring -- in what was essentially an opentryout for spots in our regular pitching rotation -- I gave several kids theopportunity to pitch during scrimmages. After one of these informal outings, the mother of one of my playersapproached me behind the dugout.  "Iwas so scared watching him pitch", she said of her son.  "I had to hold another mother's hand andclose my eyes whenever he threw the ball." 
I'm more than a little embarrassed to admit that myinitial reaction was a slight smirk that barely masked what was probably acondescending response.  I might as wellhave quipped, "Pfft...women."  Funny thing is that I heard variations ofthis mother's concern from other parents all season long.  At one point, even my wife conceded theunease she feels whenever Jalen pitches. 
It's possible that I was blocking it out.  After all, before the season began, I sawthese "heart-shield" protectors on one of the racks at Dick's SportingGoods.  I'd read tragic stories of LittleLeague pitchers who'd taken direct-hit line drives off the chest and laterdied.  I got as far as the checkout linebefore opting to put the heart-protector back on the shelf -- rationalizing itaway by reminding myself how rare it is for a pitcher to be hit by a comebacker(with a little misplaced anger at the manufacturers for exploiting a parent'sworst nightmare). 
I never gave it a second thought until earlier thismonth. 
And, my above-linked tweet about not showing the video tomy wife and son?  I was serious.  When J came home from school, he didn'tmention the A's until around dinner time. He thought they were playing a night game, so I only told him that welost earlier in the day, 7-1.  He asked afew follow-up questions ("Who got the loss?", "How'd we scoreour run?") but, thankfully, eight-year-olds don't require much nuancedcontext when their favorite team loses.  Besides,J refuses to watch the highlights when the A's lose.  If I'm watching, he'll leave the room. 
Thursday and Friday came and went as the A's flew toSeattle to start a series with the Mariners. They won the opener, 6-1.  Ihopped in the shower on Saturday morning, leaving J to his cartoons.  The thought crossed my mind about 45 secondsbefore my son all but broke down the bathroom door: 
"Did you hear that Brandon McCarthy got hitin the head with a line drive?! They said it waslife-threatening!" 
Thanks, continuous loop of the previous evening's MajorLeague Baseball highlights on the MLB Network! Just before the recap of the A's victory, an update on McCarthy'scondition aired.  The sobering"life-threatening" element meant that I'd have to put on my parentingpants, after all. 
The next day, Jalen was scheduled to pitch in the firstgame of the fall baseball season.  I usedmy shower time to rehearse assorted responses to J's likeliest questions in myhead.  So, I was prepared when he asked,"Do you think I'll get hit in the head with a line drive?"  Surprisingly, I was unprepared when he asked,"Is Brandon McCarthy going to die?" I mean, how did I not see that one coming? 
Jalen and I watched the video clip together -- the firsttime I'd seen it, too -- and I fumbled my way through what I knew and what Ididn't know.  The conversation might'vetook 10 minutes, tops.  Iknow how this is going to sound, but I took it as a goodsign when J wanted to watch the video again ("No, J. Once is enough",I responded.) and then he immediately segued into the impact of losing McCarthyon the A's playoff chances ("He's our ace! How can we replace him?!",he calmly reasoned.) 
Two Sundays ago, under unseasonably humid weather andintermittent drizzle, J pitched the third inning of our fall baseball seasonopener.  He's still getting the feel ofhis four-seam fastball grip -- hitting one opposing batter right in the butt --but didn't give up a run and recorded the final out of the inning by taggingout a runner trying to score from third base on a wild pitch.  Jalen didn't get hit in the head with a linedrive.  Brandon McCarthy didn't die.  And, I kept my eyes open the whole time. 

2012 NFL Pickery -- Week #3

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Last Week

Joe: 8-8
Aaron: 8-8

Current Standings

Joe: 20-12
Aaron: 16-16 


NY Giants at Carolina

Aaron:I don't watch enough Giants games to know if last weekend's come-from-behindwin in Tampa Bay is the first ever one-game/in-game consolidation of"Elite" Eli Manning and his occasionally error-prone splitpersonality. I'm also not sure how the Giants will respond on a short weekwhile still nursing some injuries on offense. I do know I'm 0-2 on midweekpredictions, though. Pick: Carolina 


Joe: Hakeem Nicks isn't playing forthe Giants, and they reeeeally looked like they should have lost that Tampagame last week. All of these things, plus the home-field-on-a-short-week thingshould add up to a Panthers upset. Oh, but what about the transitiveproperty??? New York beat Tampa Bay; Tampa Bay beat Carolina; therefore NewYork beats Carolina! When does that EVER not work in the NFL?? (Or maybe it'sjust that the Thursday games are more fun when we pick different teams.) Pick:NY Giants


St. Louis at Chicago Aaron: Look...Iknow that Bears QB Jay Cutler the perfect punching bag for alitany of reasons.  But, the "sameol' Cutler" celebrations that broke out across the interwebs during lastweek's loss to Green Bay is shortsighted even by online standards.  Does his pouty sourpuss really outweigh theNFC Championship game and 7-4 record-before-he-got-hurt-last-year on hisresume?  Pick: Chicago
Joe: You'll have to bear with me, as I'm nursing injuries from being trampledby the stampede of fantasy owners to pick up St. Louis's Danny Amendola. I lostout, so I'll have to console myself with him going 4-37 this week. I like theRams, actually. But they're still figuring some stuff out, and I think theBears in Chicago on three extra days' rest will be okay. Pick:Chicago
 
Buffalo at Cleveland Aaron: Let's go ahead and set theover/under for the number of national sports columnists who'll use this game asthe foundation for a 1,200-word piece on the disappearance of sepia-toned,old-timey Pleasantville America at 2.5.  5.5 if either team plays the Lions later thisseason.  Pick: Buffalo
Joe: Ugh. I hate road games againstteams you *should* beat. I couldn't be happier with what we've seen out of CJSpiller, but thus far he's the ONLY thing happening on the Bills' offense, andI worry what'll happen when teams figure that out. Pick:Cleveland

 

Tampa Bayat Dallas

 
Aaron: Forget the season-opening winagainst the Giants and last week's loss to the Seahawks. THIS will be the gamethat tells us what kind of team the Cowboys are.  An eminently beatable opponent at home?  The champion of the NFC East will need tofeast on the league's entrails in order to reach the nine wins needed toconquer this division.  Pick:Dallas
Joe: Tampa's been unexpectedly toughthus far, and they should've beaten the Giants last week. But the Cowboys willprobably do this win one/lose one/win one thing all season. Pick:Dallas
 
NY Jetsat Miami

 
Aaron: Dolphins RB Reggie Bush won'tbenefit from the Raiders benevolent run defense this week.  But, while the Jets are undeniably the betterteam, I think this one ends up a lot closer when it goes final.  Jets QB Mark Sanchez has been accused ofeverything else in his tenure, so is there any chance we can get "playsdown to the level of his competition" in the mix for next Monday'sESPN First Take? Pick: NY Jets
Joe: It's weird, the Jets looked SO goodin the first quarter against the Steelers and then seemed to just ... stop.Three more quarters this time, guys! Pick: NY Jets

 

San Francisco at Minnesota
 Aaron: I've been indifferent towardsthe 49ers since Deion Sanders' lone season in San Francisco nearly 20 (!) yearsago.  I kinda doubtthis season will end with a glorious shellacking of the SanDiego Chargers in the Super Bowl, but a few more weeks at this level and Icould be talked into the Niners shellacking someone comeFebruary.  Pick: SanFrancisco

 
Joe: From the way Cris Collinsworthwas talking during last week's handling of the Lions, the Niners already HAVEshellacked someone in the Super Bowl come February. I wasn't expecting suchprolific butt-kissing from a guy whose career pinnacle was losing to those same49ers in the Super Bowl. Pick: San Francisco
Kansas City at New Orleans

 
Aaron: Incompetent Chiefs head coachRomeo Crennel went 24-40 while leading the Browns from 2005-08.  He went 2-1 as interim head coach of theChiefs last year and was rewarded with a three-year contract.  If this isn't discussed during one of nextmonth's presidential debates, I will be very disappointed in you, America.  Pick: New Orleans

 
Joe: The Bills offense put 35 on theChiefs last week. Don't embarrass yourself and fall short of that, Drew Brees!Pick: New Orleans
Cincinnati at Washington

 
Aaron: I'm old enough to remember whenthe Redskins had one of the largest national followings in all of sports backin the early 1980s.  I dunno if RobertGriffin III will ever approach the organic popularity of Theismann, Riggins, the"Smurfs" and the "Hogs", but I'm a sucker for theelectricity that a player like Griffin can inject into a devoted fanbase.  It's finna be loud,Bengals.  Pick:Washington

 
Joe: Does it have to be theRedskins fans who get to be so injected? They're just soinsufferable when they're winning, and for a team thathasn't won much lately, you'd think they'd be out of practice. Slow down,dudes, you're 1-1. Pick: Washington
Detroit at Tennessee

 
Aaron: Perhaps I'm in the minority,but I'm not ready to place Lions QB Matt Stafford alongside Ben Roethlisbergerin the pantheon of great swollen-faced signal-callers just yet.  The 49ers look like a VERY good team, but italso appeared that the Lions offense turned off the urgency and took severalplays off in the second half of their loss last week.  The Titans are a VERY bad team, so...  Pick: Detroit

 
Joe: You think you're in the minority?After these last two weeks of Stafford incompetence. JUST THROW SOME STUPIDTOUCHDOWNS, YOU ASS! Pick: Tennessee
Jacksonville at Indianapolis

 
Aaron: The Jags and Colts both put up23 points against the Vikings this season while allowing 26 and 20 toMinnesota, respectively.  So...what's itall mean?  It means another week oflimited regional TV coverage for all teams involved and that I won't learn thefinal score until I'm doing my picks for next week.  Pick:Indianapolis

 
Joe: Andrew Luck, people! This ishappening! Pick: Indianapolis
Philadelphia at Arizona

 
Aaron: Like the rest of you, in lieuof any actual analysis on Cardinals games, I'm looking forward to several moreweeks of pithy bitchiness directed towards Arizona WR Larry Fitzgerald and hisdeleterious impact on my fantasy football team's chances.  Pick: Arizona

 
Joe: 3-0 Arizona Cardinals? I don'tthink any of us are remotely ready for that. Pick: Philadelphia
Atlantaat San Diego

 
Aaron: Chargers fans here in San Diegodon't wanna hear none of your triflin' mess about how their football teamhasn't defeated a team with a win yet. They're 2-0, so shut your stupid face, HATER!  And, you just can't argue with insight likethat, yo.  Pick: Atlanta

 
Joe: "Hasn't defeated a team witha win yet"? In week 3? That is adorable. First team to learn what a runninggame is wins. Pick: San Diego
Houstonat Denver

 
Aaron: Safe to say Peyton Manning'sright arm is the quickest "dead, resurrected, dead again" storylinein more than 25 years.  The record isstill held by the "Dark Awakening" episode of the Generation OneTransformers cartoon when Optimus Prime is brought back to life.  OR WAS HE? No. He dies again in the end. I just told you.  Pick: Houston
 Joe: Houston's fed on the league'sworst teams to start the season, but Miami has a win so I guess that makes themlegit! (Sorry, sorry, but ... man, I like this line of analysis!) Pick:Houston
Pittsburgh at Oakland

 Aaron: No rhyme. No reason. I thinkOakland wins a low-scoring, ugly affair full of field goals from the infielddirt, incomplete passes and five or six shots of fans fighting in thestands.  Pick: Oakland

 
Joe: Pittsburgh's kind of asking forit this season. I would LOVE to make this upset pick too, but I am just toomuch of a chicken. Pick: Pittsburgh
New England at Baltimore

 
Aaron: The argument for picking thePatriots seems to be "New England will NOT lose two in a row".  This kind of wishcasting conveniently sweepslast week's loss at home to an NFC West team that'snot San Francisco under the rug. That's a LOT of italics, I'm just saying.  Pick: Baltimore

 
Joe: Baltimore SHOULD have beaten NewEngland in the AFC Championship game last year, and in this world, wrongs areALWAYS righted. Pick: Baltimore
Green Bayat Seattle

 Aaron: One of these weeks, the Packersare going to re-establish their dominance Oz-style.  And, God help whoever's on the receiving endof that shiv.  Pick: GreenBay

 
Joe: What's the over/under on how longit'll take everyone to figure out if Seattle is any good or not? Week 9? Week13? Pick: Green Bay 

The LL Chronicles #22: Hot & Bothered

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Last Saturday, my son's fall Little League team playedtheir second game of the season.  Firstpitch was at high noon.  The temperaturewas 106 degrees. 

San Diego has had an unusually humid summer (which is tosay we've actually had measurable humidity). And, while I'll stop short of comparing the recent Southern Californiaclimate to, say, St. Louis or central Florida, 60% humidity still kinda sucks.  We received a two or three-day reprieve fromthe steaminess last weekend...only to see it replaced by hot, dry Santa Ana winds -- a good six weeksahead of their usual inconvenient ETA. 
My kids were expected to play six innings -- possibly upto two-and-a-half hours -- under these conditions.  Through relatively recent personalexperience, I could relate.  In August2007, I spent a few days in Orlando attending a conference at the DisneyworldConvention Center complex.  On my firstday, I arrived late and was forced to walk almost 100 yards acrossthe asphalt parking lot while nattily attired in my four-button black suit -- elegantlyaccentuated with a buttercream-colored dress shirt and black n' butterscotchtie.  It was 9:30 AM and already 930degrees. 
With that in mind, I loaded up my largest cooler withfour dozen small bottles of water and limited the kids to a 30-minute pregamewarm-up.  Now, that mightsound excessive for eight and nine-year-olds, but you shouldknow that I didn't punish ANY of the kids who made the obvious "Warmups?  I think we're already warm enough,coach" joke before we started. 
In the bottom of the first inning, we exploded for fiveruns.  I was coaching third base when myclean-up hitter arrived at the bag, moving from first to third on asingle.  His breathing seemed a bitlabored and the glassiness in his eyes was a touch shy of terrifying.  The look on his face reminded me of... Robin? 
Me: "Raymond, are you OK?" 
Raymond: "..." 
Me: "Raymond, look at me.  Do you need to come out?" 
Raymond: "..." 
Me: "TIME! Go to the dugout, get some water and takea break.  I'll get a pinch..." 
Jalen: [from the first base dugout] "CAN I PINCH-RUNFOR RAYMOND, DAD?! I'M HYDRATED!"
In the second inning, we scored four more runs and took a9-0 lead into the top of the third.  Ihanded the ball to my son Jalen.  We'reusing the fall season to work on mixing his pitches -- a work-in-progressfour-seam fastball and a change-up that he's much more comfortable with.  He recorded an early strikeout with twofastballs and an 0-2 change-up, but walked two batters who moved up to secondand third on a wild pitch. 
A second wild pitch scored the first run for ouropponents and when our catcher slowly loafed after the ball -- with Jalenracing to cover home plate, squeakily screaming "HOME! HOME! HOME!"-- J lit into him on the field in front of everyone. 
Jalen's tightly-wound intensity is a bit of a mixed bagfor me.  On the one hand, he's not themost physically gifted eight-year-old athlete, but he makes up most of thedifference with his competitiveness. After every game, other parents approach me with compliments for myson's textbook sliding technique or his hustle down the first base line or evenhis failed attempts to fight back tears after an especially tough loss. ("Iwish MY kid cared that much!") 
On the other hand, the overwhelming majority of the kidsdon't care about the game's outcome as much as my son.  There's a time and a place (and an age) foradministering verbal beatdowns masked as constructive criticism.  I don't know when or where (or how old) thatis, but I'm reasonably sure this isn't it. I call "time" and slowly exit the dugout.  I'm not happy. I remove my tacky wrap-aroundsunglasses and dramatically flick the shades slightly skyward.  So that I catch Jalen's eye, yes, I'm channelingthe melodramatic effect of Randy "Macho Man" Savage.  (Skip to the 2:40 mark of this clip to see what I mean.)  When I reach the mound, I bend at the waistand look Jalen in the eye: 
Me: "Knock. It. Off.  You CANNOT show up your teammates on thefield like that." 
Jalen: "But, we lost the shutout because of..." 
Me: "We're a team, J.  We win as a team, we lose as a team.  Make your pitches, get out of this inning andrespect the guys behind you." 
Jalen: "OK. Should I say 'I'm sorry' toGarrett?" 
Me: "After the inning's over." 
Jalen: "Does that run count against my ERA if it wasa passed ball and not a wild pitch?" 
Me: "..."
After 3 1/2 innings, we led 14-2.  According to Little League Baseball rules,the game is over if one team leads by 10 or more runs.  And, it was 106degrees.  After discussing thiswith the 13-year-old umpire, he visited the opposing dugout and came back witha surprising declaration: 
"The other team wants to keep playing.  There's no 'mercy rule' unless both managersagree." 
I was incredulous. And, possibly apoplectic -- on the inside.  But, definitely incredulous.  "He really wants to keep playing?",I asked...incredulously. "Yup", replied the ump. "He said it's a good workout forhis kids."  Never mind that two ofhis kids went home mid-game because of the heat.  He wants a "workout" for the kidswho are still standing. 
I'm not entirely proud of how I managed the bottom of thefourth inning -- flashing the "steal" and "double steal"signs to my kids while up by a dozen runs -- but, it was inconceivable that anyadult would want to subject children to these climactic conditions by choice.  Of course, I could've been influenced by oneof my players (not my son!) who exclaimed, "Let's make 'em wish they gaveup!"  The other team waived thewhite flag after we scored our fifth run of the inning and 19th run of thegame. 
Maybe I should look in the mirror before my next MachoMan moment.

2012 NFL Pickery -- Week #4

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Last Week 
Aaron: 9-7Joe:7-9 
Current Standings 

Joe: 27-21Aaron: 25-23  Cleveland at Baltimore 
Aaron: I read that Time-Warner Cableand the NFL Network had reached a deal to finally bring thechannel to MY television -- and presumably to anyone else who's been impactedby the two sides' long-standing impasse, as well.  We still don't have it here in San Diego andjudging from this match-up...I'm in no rush. Pick: Baltimore 
Joe: Yeah, kind of a harsh blessingthat THIS will be my first taste of NFL Network football. I guess this gamewill be the last hurrah for the replacement refs? Maybe at halftime, theBaltimore fans can give them some nice parting gifts. You know, because therefs obviously stole last week's game from the Patriots and handed it to theRavens. I read it on ESPN Boston! Pick: Baltimore 
Minnesota at Detroit 
Aaron: No one is putting Lions QB MattStafford in the same category as former Detroit disappointments Scott Mitchelland Joey Harrington, but neither of those guys elevated anyone's expectationswith a professional season like Stafford had last year.  So, I'll split the difference and politelyimplore Stafford to stop playing like perfectly serviceable formerLions QBs like Rodney Peete and Erik Kramer!  Pick: Detroit 
Joe: I'm so mad at this Lions team, Ican't even tell you. I'm pretty sure I'm going to start Vikings QB ChristianPonder over banged up (and AWFUL) Lions QB Matthew Stafford, so congratulationson your first big win of the year, Detroit. Pick: Detroit 
Seattle at St. Louis 
Aaron: The Seahawks spent a generationin a joint custody arrangement between irrelevance and anonymity, beforeplaying in one of the worst-officiated Super Bowls ever, making the playoffswith a 7-9 record and, of course, last Monday night's..."incident" --all in the past five years (or so). They're the better team here, but I'm amused by the thought of thesad-sack St. Louis Rams playing the role of karma-dispenser.  Pick: St. Louis  
Joe: Ugh, NOTHING worse than when Camtakes my upset pick before I can. Nothing! Pick: St. Louis 
San Francisco at NY Jets 
Aaron: In the aftermath, no one willcare that Jets QB Mark Sanchez went up against a ferocious defense that washellbent on taking out last week's loss on someone.  I'm not saying there's a LOT of context toconsider, but it might be time to realize that Sanchez can't win by himself,Jets fans.  Pick: SanFrancisco  
Joe: The one good thing about thisJets team and their fans -- at least the fans KNOW they're being asshole whenthey start to agitate for Tim Tebow. Meanwhile, it was nice to see theUnbeatable Niners bubble burst by the unlikely Vikings, but it's probably toomuch to hope for two in a row. Pick: San Francisco 
San Diego at Kansas City 
Aaron: The only depressing aspect ofthe Chargers' 27-3 loss to Atlanta last week? The game was blacked out here in San Diego.  Kansas City has been a house o' horrors forthe Chargers in recent years -- last Halloween night, QB Philip Rivers famouslyfumbled deep in Chiefs' territory on what would've been the game-winning drive-- but, Kansas City's one win (vs. New Orleans) is mathematically morefraudulent than the Chargers' two. It's math! Pick: San Diego  
Joe: I kind of love how tightlyprofessional sports talkers cling to their narratives. Norv Turner's Chargershave started slowly so often that nobody seems at all concerned about thatdrubbing by the Falcons. Oh, they'll figure it out! You gotta trust me, guys:find a running game. Pick: San Diego 
Tennessee at Houston 
Aaron: Part of me is hoping the Titanscomically mock Houston by wearing throwbacks paying tribute to theirshort-lived tenure as the "Tennessee Oilers", culminating in aglorious heel turn by Houston Oilers legend Earl  Campbell who -- from his wheelchair -- willinterrupt the pregame coin toss, take the microphone and blame the concreteturf of the Astrodome for the physical ruination of his legs.  He'll close with, "You didn'tDESERVE the Oilers, Houston.  And, youdidn't deserve ME!" [Mic drop] Pick: Houston 
Joe: First-ever 3-0 start for theTexans! They look legitimately exciting! Isn't it about time for thatseason-devastating injury to strike? Pick: Houston 
Carolina at Atlanta 
Aaron: So...when did we collectivelyagree to bash Panthers QB Cam Newton for his somber -- albeit melodramatic --postgame comments after Carolina's loss to the Giants last week?  Sports Illustrated's PeterKing even used the reaction of Ravens WR Torrey Smith (whose brother tragicallypast away last weekend) as a critical comparison to Newton's, holding it up as,what, deserving of a dirge? Newton is struggling and his biggest fault is caring too much?  'K, got it. Pick: Atlanta 
Joe: Yeah, it really seems like peoplewere waiting for Cam to struggle a bit so they could haul out those old collegegrudges. It would be nice to see him really air it out against the Falcons, butAtlanta's defense really does seem much improved. Pick: Atlanta 
New England at Buffalo 
Aaron: If we're to believe ESPN.com'smost popular online personality, the ending of the Patriots' loss to the Ravenslast week was on par with the Green Bay/Seattle game from this past Mondaynight -- even though the Baltimore field goal looked pretty damn good, aftermultiple replay looks.  The same ESPN.comguy also believes the Pats could be 3-0, if not for those meddlingkids replacement referees. I'd feel a LOT better about the Bills here if their running backs were100%.  Pick: NewEngland 
Joe: You and me both. I know betterthan to get my hopes up for a team that beat two bad teams and lost to onemediocre one, but New England looks about as beatable as they have since theMatt Cassel season. Still ... nah. Pick: New England 
Cincinnati at Jacksonville
Aaron: Yeesh.  Well, I like that the Jaguars can run theball.  And, since the Bengals' rundefense has been pretty porous in the early going, let's use the ol' "pickthe team who has the best player between 'em" tactic.  Pick: Jacksonville 
Joe: Am I crazy, or do the Bengalslook like they could frustrate teams enough to make a run at a wild card thisseason too? Pick: Cincinnati 
Miami at Arizona 
Aaron: Maybe weshould hold off on printing playoff tickets until dueling QBs Kevin Kolb andJohn Skelton can consistently channel the spirits of Kurt Warner and...I can'tthink of another decent Cardinals QB. But, here's a fun fact: in 1994, the Cardinals started Steve Beuerlein(7), Jay Schroeder (8) and Jim McMahon (1) at QB...and went8-8!  Pick:Arizona  
Joe: Can NO ONE remember Neil Lomax??Anyway, I am a definite believer in that Cardinals defense. But ... but ...4-0? I can't. Maybe I'm just hoping for a suicide-pool-busting result here, but... Pick: Miami 
Oakland at Denver 
Aaron: I'll take credit for pickingthe Raiders' upset win last week, even though I missed wildly on thespecifics.  RB Darren McFadden has hadsome huge games against the Broncos over the past few years and Carson Palmercould go off here, but the Raiders are still REALLY weak in the secondary.  Broncos in a shootout and Peyton Manning lookslike Peyton Manning in the final two minutes.  Pick: Denver  
Joe: YOU try making sense of theseintra-AFC West matchups. Pick: Oakland 
Washington at Tampa Bay 
Aaron: The Bucs have been pretty spryin the early going.  The defense looksrespectable and the offense -- at least against the Giants, two weeks ago --looked good.  Redskins QB Robert GriffinIII still has some bank from his week #1 performance in New Orleans, but atsome point, he's going to have to that again.  Pick: Tampa Bay 
Joe: Tampa's not going to be an easyout for anyone this season, but the Redskins have their backs against the wall,and for the first time in forever, they have a player with the goods to harnessthat desperation. Pick: Washington 
New Orleans at Green Bay  
Aaron: Yes, it was bad call(s) at theend of last Monday night's game. But, the officiating atrocity that wasunleashed on the Packers and their fanbase's hokey small-town sense ofself-worth was like watching the referees crap on every speech at theRepublican National Convention. So...win? Pick: Green Bay 
Joe: Okay, can we talk about howhilarious the State of Emergency SportCenter after last Monday's game was?Everybody adopted that pitched-but-sorrowful tone that is usually reserved fora Munich Olympics-like disaster. "Our greatest hopes and our worst fearsare seldom realized," Steve Young intoned to Mike Tirico. "Our worstfears have been realized tonight. They're gone. The Packers' chances of going15-1 with no running game and a surprisingly porous offensive line are allgone." Pick: Green Bay 
NY Giants at Philadelphia 
Aaron: My friend Tom has a meticulousset of rules for seemingly every intra-division game involving NFC Eastteams.  I'm assuming "Mike Vick haslooked like sh*t this season" is, like, rule number one.  Pick: NY Giants  
Joe: True enough! Plus the Giants looklike a team that took seven quarters before they remembered that they're reallygood. Pick: NY Giants 
Chicago at Dallas 
Aaron: Since I'm stealing theprognostication methodology of others, I might as well mention that Joe offeredup an interesting "win one, lose one, win one..." idea for theCowboys' fortunes a few weeks ago.  Imean, I was going to pick Chicago anyway, but now it's more like betrayal.  Pick: Chicago  
Joe: Damn, I thought I'd be able topick one up here. Pick: Chicago 

Checking In With The Rainbow Cafe

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It's been a year since I'll looked in on the old Rainbow Cafe in Sunset Park, the beautiful old restaurant and catering hall that closed down in 2008 and was then sold two years later, and stripped of its iconic neon sign. (Paul Signs, which removed it, pledged last year to restore the sign, rather than junk it.) It remains boarded up, with no sign a new tenant on the horizon. However, the building has been obviously spruced up a bit. It's bright and spic and span. Brownstoner reported a year ago that the space would become a store, but they're certainly taking a long time about it.

Who Shops at Park East Kosher

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As a dedicated defender of unique New York, I am not one to knock indy NYC businesses. And certainly not one to knock old indy NYC businesses. And certainly, certainly not one to rap old, ethnic, indy NYC businesses.

But I have to say: Park East Kosher Butchers exasperates me.

The butcher and grocery was founded more than fifty years ago on Madison Avenue, and moved to Second Avenue near 85th Street a decade ago. It is one of the last surviving kosher butchers in Manhattan. It is family owned, and the connection between the staff and the customers is impressive. Regular clientele are called by their name as they totter it. (Many of the regulars are elderly.) "How are you, Mrs. C?" someone will call. "Same as usual, Mrs. K?"

Whoever Mrs. C and Mrs. K are, however, they must be rich. And not just because they live on the Upper East Side; lots of people of various incomes have hung on in this area by their fingernails for years. They're rich because they shop at Park East Kosher! In the annals of exorbitant pricing, I know of few stores that match Park East in gaul. A piece of kosher meat bought in this shop will run you anywhere from twenty-five to one hundred percent more than it will in any other kosher meat market in town. I know this because I regularly buy kosher meat and know how much it costs. Every time I walk into Park East, full of good will and willing to buy, I walk out empty-handed and angry. You can't look at the prices without feeling you're being gouged. A simple eight-pack of Empire kosher turkey hot dogs that costs $2.50 or so anywhere else in town will cost you $4 here.

So who puts up with such prices? Well, the wealthy. My most memorable experience with Park East involved a Brooklyn acquaintance. This person did not want for anything. They had a brownstone in Brooklyn Heights and a summer house on the Long Island Sound. Eating kosher in Brooklyn, they had any number of choices where to shop. Aside from Fairway and Trader Joe's, there are the countless kosher butchers in Borough Park and Williamsburg and Crown Heights. Yet this person drove specifically to Park East for their kosher meat needs. I guess if you can afford it...

The Blowing Up of the Valley Candle Company

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You think dining at Pok Pok is exciting? That's nothing. Once upon a time, they had some high times on Columbia Street, Brooklyn. Like exploding buildings—on purpose.

The folks at Freebird Books recently uncovered a long forgotten episode of wanton destruction in the history of Columbia Street. Once an industrial area, the road was home for many decades to the Valley Candle Manufacturing Company, which stood at 158 Columbia Street.

By the 1980s, many of the building on the west side of Columbia between Kane and DeGraw Street were abandoned, and much of the manufacturing had left the neighborhood. The Valley Candle building, standing between Irving and Sedgwick Streets (both now demapped) was one of the last still standing. The television show "Miami Vice" took advantage of the depressed situation to use Valley as the set for one of its episodes, blowing the joint to kingdom come. Above and below are screen captures of the scene, caught by Freebird.




I don't know when Valley Candles was founded, but it was bought by a man named Bob Goergen in 1976. It was then sold again in 1979 and the new owners relocated the business to Greenwich CT. Below is another picture from the same "Miami Vice" episode. Notice that Accardi Hardware was right  next door at 160 Columbia. After the explosion, the hardware store moved across the street to 157 Columbia, where it stayed before closing last year.

Old, But Doesn't Look It

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This garish storefront on Delancey Street dominated by the bright orange Benjamin Moore sign (thank you, Benjamin Moore, by the way, for slowly but surely uglifying every old hardware store in the city with your imposed signage) doesn't look like an old business. But sharp eyes will notice the small sign near the sidewalk that says this is the home of M. Schames & Son, a concern that's been in operation since 1927.

Those with a good memory of the Lower East Side will recall that Schames used to be located on lower Essex Street, where it had much more interesting signage (included an old Dutch Boy Paints sign). It relocated in 2010, having to move because the demolition of a neighboring building had destabilized its home. Bowery Boogie has some nice old photos of the place. The business has been family owned from the start.

Orwasher's, Yorkville's New-Old Bakery

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Orwasher's Bakery is one of those old New York institutions with a tricky history. It was founded at 308 E. 78th Street in 1916, and the owners would like you to think nothing's changed since then. That's true, but only in part, and in a rather cosmetic way.

The shop was founded by Abraham Orwasher, who made eastern European and Jewish styles of bread in the coal-fired brick oven in the basement, servicing the kosher and Hungarian communities in the area. Abraham's son Louis inherited the business, and is said to have invented raisin pumpernickel bread. Louis' son Abram took over from there. All three generations used the same sourdough starter. The family owned the building that housed the bakery.

In 2007, Keith Cohen, who had worked at Tribeca Oven, entered the picture. He bought the business and fancified the offerings, adding Italian and French artisanal breads. His line of artisan "wine breads" were launched in 2009. In a nod to history and tradition, he still makes the old challah and other rustic breads in the original oven every week.





Visiting the bakery, therefore, is like visiting a land lying somewhere between Old New York and New New York. The exterior looks fairly modern, with its sleek panes of glass. The clean awning says "Orwasher's Handmade Bread," a boast Abraham would think to obvious and foolish to make. The interior still looks something like an old-fashioned bakery, though even it is way too polished and pretty for that. The tile floor with the big "O" remains. The breads, meanwhile, are delicious and authentic. And the shop does have a kosher certification. 
The most Old World thing about the place, however—at least on my recent visit—was the short, plump, old woman who served me. She looked like she had been working there for decades. No hipster she.